Internet Magic 8 Ball Correctly Predicts Future

I clicked the Magic 8 Ball on my Google homepage just now, after asking it a series of questions. My network connection was up the whole time, so I know this wasn’t a fluke. After as many questions as I asked it, the answer was shown, in an unprecedented and indisputable way, that I will, in my lifetime:

1. Become a truly rockin’ guitarist, and meet bandmates and have as much fun as possible as garage band kings…
2. Successfully negotiate a hostage crisis using only a candy bar as collateral…
3. Run for Mayor of a small and relatively unknown Third World country (and win)…
4. Will see pigs fly, some people get what they deserve, and epiphany, all on the same day…
5. Enjoy the fruits of my labors…
6. Defy the odds by winning the largest lottery winnings in Florida history…
7. Freak out some stranger, completely by accident somehow, and they will respond with “Eeegad!”…
8. Decode the human genome…

As proof positive of these things, I’m posting a sanitized screenshot because I just know some of you are reading this.