I’m new to freestyle. This is the Touzani Around the World, or TATW.
Trust me, this is really hard.
Absurd
Look At This Dude’s Name
Harry Balzer. LOL. Who names their kid Harry Balzer!? I thought “Gkikas” was rough!
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Grocery Store Outing
The wife’s pregnant, and she needs milk for breakfast in the morning. We’re out of milk. It’s 9:30, Sweetbay’s not closed yet. I’m off.
The first thing I head for’s the milk, because I know where it is. I rarely shop in this grocery store. I’m usually at the dirt Publix three blocks from the house because it’s closer. But, they’re closed by 9 and Sweetbay’s open, so I’m in a strange grocery store with a mission to find some nonstandard items.
On my way to the milk, I see Edy’s Grand ice cream is on crazy sale, two for seven bucks. Lunatic flavors, too… Coconut Pineapple? Cherry Chocolate Chip, red velvet style? Shit. (more…)
Internet Magic 8 Ball Correctly Predicts Future
I clicked the Magic 8 Ball on my Google homepage just now, after asking it a series of questions. My network connection was up the whole time, so I know this wasn’t a fluke. After as many questions as I asked it, the answer was shown, in an unprecedented and indisputable way, that I will, in my lifetime:
- Become a truly rockin’ guitarist, and meet bandmates and have as much fun as possible as garage band kings…
- Successfully negotiate a hostage crisis using only a candy bar as collateral…
- Run for Mayor of a small and relatively unknown Third World country (and win)…
- Will see pigs fly, some people get what they deserve, and epiphany, all on the same day…
- Enjoy the fruits of my labors…
- Defy the odds by winning the largest lottery winnings in Florida history…
- Freak out some stranger, completely by accident somehow, and they will respond with “Eeegad!”…
- Decode the human genome…
As proof positive of these things, I’m posting a sanitized screenshot because I just know some of you are reading this.
The Greatest Music. Ever.
IMPORTANT
- I have just been signed to perform at Carnegie Hall and a nationally broadcast episode of Austin City Limits.
- My singing defines a new type of sound, previously unknown to man. It features modulations and tonal characteristics thought only to exist in one’s dreams of “the perfect singing voice.”
- I’ll be on Oprah on February 2, Good Morning America on the 3rd, and The Megan Mullally Show on the 10th. Set your DVRs now.
- In honor of a request by Bob Weir to “sit in for Jerry” on their next Dead tour, I’ll be out of the office from March 2nd through September 15th.
- I have a staff of 3 opening fan mail.
- 10 minutes ago, Google’s CEO just called and bid $3.4 million for Gkikas.com. I flatly (but professionally) refused this lowball offer and the attorneys are working on a deal.
- The forthcoming album, working-titled, “Greatest Hit” has presold more copies than the #1 album on the Denmark music charts.
- Since the bullet point before last, I see an email from Paramount with the subject line, “Movie rights.”
- Seriously.
Edit: I found a video that typifies singing slightly better than mine.
MPAA Seeks To Ban Friends From Your House
MPAA Lobbying for Home Theater Regulations
by Scott Small – as reported here.
Los Angeles , CA – The MPAA is lobbying congress to push through a new bill that would make unauthorized home theaters illegal. The group feels that all theaters should be sanctioned, whether they be commercial settings or at home.
MPAA head Dan Glickman says this needs to be regulated before things start getting too far out of control, “We didn’t act early enough with the online sharing of our copyrighted content. This time we’re not making the same mistake. We have a right to know what’s showing in a theater.”
