Sarasota, FL
Local man Chris Gkikas managed to get all the grocery bags from the trunk yesterday, in a display termed “impressive” by onlooking neighbors.
“I got a glimpse,” said Lenore Jacobs, Gkikas’ retired next door neighbor, “of how many bags they had in the trunk. He started pickin’ them up and then, Lord, I saw the boxes of sodapops and the big Gatorade. And he wasn’t halfway even done with the bags, and he’s haulin’ up all the Cokes under one arm. I was impressed.”
A personal best, Gkikas hauled 17 plastic bags, three twelve-packs and a large red Gatorade, to the confoundment of his wife’s prediction that he “couldn’t handle the bags, AND the drinks. No way.”
Some have suggested that the display was rigged, and that the bags were filled with light weight objects.
“Oh no,” replied Gkikas to these allegations, “she got some heavy stuff. Seriously, three jars of spaghetti sauce and the large jar of pickles alone added like, five pounds to the whole thing.”
Gkikas even closed the trunk before making it 150 feet from the driveway to the kitchen without pausing or getting any relief from the gargantuan strain placed on his will-power to get ALL the groceries — because “it’s what men do.”
As Chris’ best man said at his wedding, (paraphrase) “success and failure are a result of a series of decisions we make along the walk of our lives”. This feat, therefore, would not have been possible except for the earlier decision to go with plastic over paper back at the grocery store. Who would have known.
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Lesser men certainly would have quivered at the task. Some few would have considered such a feat only after asking, “are these groceries double-bagged?” and “are there a lot of fragile items inside?” or perhaps “can I reach the door before the plastic begins to dig into my fingers in an uncomfortable way?” A sad few would have asked, “honey, can you give me a hand with this?” To them all I say ‘for shame’. These are the men who will ask for directions, who will order the soup and salad, and who will have no appreciation for expensive electronic devices.
The heroic journey does not path through a well-known landscape. It is only by risking it all that we fulfill our own destinies. You, sir, have experienced the crucible of the soul.
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Came across your impressive feat and had to comment. I, too, am a deep believer in the “all in one trip” philosophy. In fact, I’m so committed, my husband has affectionately (I think) nicknamed me the “Pack Mule.” He often comes to the car to help me, only to find me already loaded down with bags, refusing his help because it might unbalance my perfectly balanced load.
On some occasions, I develop a condition I refer to as the “grocery divots.” These are deep impressions left on my inner forearm after carrying a particularly heavy load. I wear them as a badge of honor.
Oh, and by the way. I bow down to you. My current personal best is two 12-packs, 11 grocery bags and a bag of apples. Carry on, man!
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Through a scientific process I call “weighing shit” I have gone to my kitchen and determined that three average jars of spgetti sauce and a jar of pickles weights approximately 7.2 lbs. Further, based a scientific process called “WAG”, I have come to the proven conclusion that you were carrying about 350 pounds of shit! Take that to the bank… can I get published in Scientific American now??
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