May, 2007:

Sarasota, FL

Local man Chris Gkikas managed to get all the grocery bags from the trunk yesterday, in a display termed “impressive” by onlooking neighbors.

“I got a glimpse,” said Lenore Jacobs, Gkikas’ retired next door neighbor, “of how many bags they had in the trunk. He started pickin’ them up and then, Lord, I saw the boxes of sodapops and the big Gatorade. And he wasn’t halfway even done with the bags, and he’s haulin’ up all the Cokes under one arm. I was impressed.”

A personal best, Gkikas hauled 17 plastic bags, three twelve-packs and a large red Gatorade, to the confoundment of his wife’s prediction that he “couldn’t handle the bags, AND the drinks. No way.”

Some have suggested that the display was rigged, and that the bags were filled with light weight objects.

“Oh no,” replied Gkikas to these allegations, “she got some heavy stuff. Seriously, three jars of spaghetti sauce and the large jar of pickles alone added like, five pounds to the whole thing.”

Gkikas even closed the trunk before making it 150 feet from the driveway to the kitchen without pausing or getting any relief from the gargantuan strain placed on his will-power to get ALL the groceries — because “it’s what men do.”